Diary of a first time cruiser

I did a bit of research before the cruise, asked the questions like will my fat backside fit in the shower or should I pack adult sized baby wipes, a king size can of fem fresh and 48 hour deodorant, being a larger lady these things need consideration! The reality was that the shower was plenty big enough and as the bathroom is basically a wet room if you leave the shower curtain open it won’t attack you when you’re least expecting it and try to crawl into places that no self respecting shower curtain should be! Leave the massive wipes at home but maybe stick with the fem fresh, and invest in one of them sponges on a long stick, they reach places and are surprisingly satisfying 😬🫢

Medication, as me and his nibs are not in our first flush of youth we have to be covered for all eventualities, so apart from the shipping order from the GP plus extras just in case the Turkey situation happened again! here are a few ideas.

Germolene, in a plastic tube these days. No longer Barbie pink and you can’t smell it from the length of a football pitch away anymore, nothing is the same these days. it seems to work as well though, and as I’m a bit like a weeble that doesn’t ping back up you never know when my poor knees will need it, and I don’t mean carpet burns you cheeky people.

Something to make you go, and something to stop you going if you catch my drift, you never know, and pretty much every holiday his nibs gets a touch of what he would probably describe as akin to dysentery, whereas my own bowels seize up and refuse to entertain any loo except my own for at least 3 or 4 days 😬😳💩 sorry if you’re eating 🥵

Plasters of various sizes and shapes, you can guarantee that if we don’t need them, somebody will.

Rehydration sachets just in case one of us (usually me) goes a bit crazy at the bar, they are an actual life saver, best taken as a shot as the flavours seem to be lemon or blackcurrant although both seem to taste more like battery acid 😳

Sudocrem ohhhhhh yes this stuff cures all, even if you do look a bit like you have been dipped in a bucket of white gloss, does that stuff ever rub in completely? It’s good for more than baby’s bums, it works on sunburn and rashes no matter where they may be!

Speaking of which, liquid talc oh yes this stuff is the nectar of the gods, slather the stuff on liberally in all your nooks and crannies every morning and you will stay rash free, no longer do you have to dust yourself down with a powder puff so that you emerge from the bathroom looking like the homepride man.

Haemorrhoid cream! Noooooo not just for the side effects of one of the bowel issues aforementioned but also for eye bags, believe me, as this stuff is intended to shrink the veins in a very sensitive area, why would it not shrink the obvious bags from burning the midnight oil? Just not too near the eyes because it stings! Yes I did 😖😖

Can we talk for a second about baby wipes? No I didn’t take them on the cruise because god forbid that one should accidentally end up in the loo and block the entire ship’s plumbing sending fountains of unmentionable waste spewing everywhere (I had quite a few pre cruise nightmares and that was one) but more specifically water wipes. I did on one occasion have to ‘borrow’ one from my granddaughters nappy bag when I had run out of loo roll, I don’t know what those things have on them but it WAS NOT water, it felt more like neat bleach and had me screaming like a banshee! Babies these days must be hardier than me😱😱

I shall leave you with these pearls of wisdom but may revisit this at some point TTFN x